how to stay cool even when panicking...

We all carry round a baggage of attitudes and beliefs that colours our response to new situations. If you´re lucky, these will be "can-do" messages, but many of us are programmed for failure. Perhaps every time you stepped out of the door when you were little, your parents cried "be careful!", as if doom and disaster lurked at every turn, or friends say "I wouldn´t attempt that if I were you!". If you hear negative statements often enough, you learn to expect the worst. The immediate reaction to a new or daunting situation is "I cannot handle it".

Most people´s confidence is a level or two below their competence, "says clinical psychologist Averil Leimon, director of a company which helps personnel transform their behaviour.

" People need to understand that they really are better than they believe."

Everybody feels fearful in unfamiliar situations. That doesn´t mean we should avoid them. Taking risks, even tiny ones like picking up a telephone to make a complaint, is a necessary part of accepting adult responsibility. The best strategy you can adopt is to understand why you feel so fearful and learn how to deal with it. Then, when you succeed in a difficult situation, you´ll feel more confident about approaching it next time around.

The people you admire for their apparent confidence and ability to cope with any situation are probably feeling just as daunted as you would be, but they don´t let it stand in their way.